Do you feel like you have the Money Curse? I did, and so do many people. Even though there is only one you, and that makes you “younique” as I like to say. Many of us appear to have the same problems. The differences in how we achieve our own money curse is part of what makes us younique. I think it is a good thing no matter what people say. Yes we all have areas to work on, but we don’t all want to be the same. Living in a world of younique people is what keeps life fun and interesting.
That said, you can move ahead of the pack by understanding things that make you younique. This doesn’t only apply to the money curse by the way.
The process is simple and you don’t need to see a Psychologist to do it. When you see a characteristic that makes you younique, start asking “what made me this way?”. I do this all the time and the answers can be pretty interesting. You might need to ask the question for a long time before you find the real answer too. If this were easy everyone would do it, and that is why there is a field of Psychology.
If you want to change the characteristic, the best way to do that is to find the root cause or belief and replace it. Sometimes you will think you found it, and later discover there was a lot more digging to go.
For many years I have been described as a “workaholic”. I have four “jobs” that are loosely related and put a lot of time into each of them. When I sold my first business, my wife could see a very fast transition from workaholic to alcoholic. I was hanging out at the local golf course with 70 year old plus retired rich guys who started with bloody mary’s every day at 9am before hitting the course.
Since I was too young to head down that path, my wife correctly suggested that I go back to work. Well ok, she said “Get a job or get out.” At that time all I could think was “Doing what?” And “why couldn’t I just find a hobby?” So I went back to work for someone else, and quickly decided I needed another business. I am not the greatest follower, but that is for another discussion.
Some time ago I started asking “What makes me this way?” I know that my “work ethic” makes some people nuts. I also knew it was holding me back from bigger and better things.
After a lot of soul searching, I realized that my dad’s insistence on perfection was why a hobby just wouldn’t cut it, and why he became an alcoholic, and why I could see that path so clearly. Fear of criticism. Deep down my Dad was afraid of his fathers criticism. Whenever we would see my grandfather, he would ask my dad when he was going to quit smoking for instance and my Dad would say “I am.” and go pour a drink. My grandad would ask “How’s business?” My Dad would respond “Fine.” and pour another drink.
My dad gave me that same fear of criticism. My poor golf game brought it out quickly.
Knowing this was a great start but I couldn’t find a way to undo this mental training, so I kept asking, “What makes me this way?”.
The other factor with my dad was money. He made plenty of it and yet never had any. That is both a blessing and a curse to a child. Living in the “right” neighborhoods and going to good schools is the blessing. Feeling left behind the other kids is the curse. They went to summer camp, I went to set. I really thought being a background kid on TV was what poor kids did for summer camp.
When I got older I got onto a show called the “Junior All Stars”. A predecessor to modern reality TV with competitions, and winners and losers. I was too young and immature to understand why TV worked the way it did, I just thought of it as summer camp, never knowing my parents were getting paid. Junior All Stars was the first time it was really fun though.
Whenever I would go shopping or ask my Dad for something, he would simply retort “Do you have the money?” and finish with “If you had the answer why did you ask?”.
While that is a horrible feeling at the time for a kid, it is a powerful life lesson most kids today don’t get. At the root, you are responsible for your financial situation and what you have, no one else.
Ah there it was, fear of criticism coupled with a desire to get things without asking anyone else = my younique form of being that created a workaholic.
I never went without anything I really needed growing up. I just got Van’s shoes because my Dad could barter them for dental work. I got Sears clothes because my parents made me catalog model for them. More evidence on my case.
In junior high and high school, I didn’t have much, so I feared criticism of the other kids and didn’t have many friends. One close friend worked in his family business after school and on weekends. My escape was to help as much as I could, for free. Working for free made it worse. I was busy but didn’t have any more money.
Then I got my first job where I got the paycheck handed directly to me. I was essentially fired because I still didn’t quite get it, but I did get that I now had a little money and I liked it.
The monster came to life.
Today I run a business, work as an actor and still fly big jets. The difference is that I now have a better understanding of one more thing that made me younique. I understand and why I was a workaholic, and why it makes me crazy when my family just “give” their kids everything.
Knowing these little nuggets were buried in my brain I was able to stop trading hours for dollars, and find ways to be much more productive in less time while earning more money. Realizing my parents were getting paid for me to be on TV, and that shows like “Junior All Stars” were fun, I realized that work can be fun. I changed my business to make it fun for me, and returned to acting, because it was fun. To finish it off, I changed flying jobs, to make it fun too, even though I was getting paid less.
Lowering my work stress helped me stop getting stressed over little things like my 15 year old niece having a better iPhone than I do. I mean really, why does a 15 year old need an iPhone 6? I appreciate more of what I have because I earned it, and worry less about what other people didn’t. Except when I am paying my taxes but that is for another day.
I have changed my workaholic lifestyle into a careercation. All of my work is like play, and my time off is real time off. I couldn’t do it without knowing what makes me tick and therefore younique.
What makes you “younique”?
